There Are No Attorneys Here

Because of the unfortunate circumstances surrounding Saul Goodman’s client, Walter Hartwell “Walt” White Sr., also known by his alias Heisenberg, Mr. Goodman is not currently practicing law.  Also, he is a fictional character from Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul produced by Vince Gilligan and originally aired on AMC.  This site is part satire but a real effort to promote free legal help for those in need.  We use images and references to Saul Goodman under the fair use provisions of U.S.C. Title 17, but we will remove any images or references upon request from the owners.

We are also not attorneys. We cannot perform the legal services that an attorney performs. We cannot engage in the practice of law.  The county clerk has not evaluated or approved the knowledge, experience, or the quality of our work or of any person connected with any services we provide.  Those of us who are LDAs are registered in Kern County, and the registration numbers are 122, 186, and 187.  To confirm that any registration is current, you may contact the Kern County clerk’s office at 1115 Truxtun Ave., Bakersfield, CA 93301 or by phone at (661)868-3588 or on their webpage, www.kerncountyclerk.com.

We cannot obtain special favors from, and we do not have any special influence with, any court or any state or federal agency.
As required by law, we have filed a bond or made a cash deposit and have registered as a legal document assistant in each county where we will perform services on your behalf.

Paralegal services, such as suggesting forms and law, case management, legal research, and witness interviews, are only provided to attorneys.  Legal Document Assistance is provided to members of the public who select their own documents and manage their own cases.

Lack of Affiliation

The owner of this page has no affiliation or contact with Vince Gilligan, AMC, or anyone else associated with Breaking Bad or Better Call Saul.  We just like the character, Attorney Saul Goodman, and the shows he is in.  However, the owner would be overjoyed to appear on any shows related to Attorney Saul Goodman, especially a Mike Ehrmantraut spinoff.  The page owner will decline appearances involving Howard Hamlin because he is just creepy.

Testing and Certificate

This site is not tested on animals, except for two cats.  All pages are gluten-free, Non-GMO, hypoallergenic, vegan, vegetarian, kosher, MSG free. Void where prohibited. No representation or warranty, express or implied, with respect to the completeness, accuracy, fitness for a particular purpose, or utility of these materials or any information or opinion contained herein. Pages may not display correctly with Chrome versions less than Version 368.0.3359.181, FireFox versions less than Version 182.3234, Opera versions less than The Marriage of Figaro, or Explorer versions less than Vasco Nunez de Balboa.  Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or events, past, present or future, is purely coincidental.  Batteries not included.  Use only as directed.  Read at your own risk.  Ask your doctor or pharmacist if this webpage is right for you.  Parental guidance is not advised.  No preservatives or additives.  Keep away from angry pets and dirty children.  Do not fold, spindle or mutilate.  Must be 18 years or older or younger.  No artificial color or flavor added.   May contain or be prepared by nuts.

Pages Only Contain General Information

These pages provide general information, not legal advice. We do not provide legal advice, representation, or referrals, nor can we answer questions about individual cases. If you have an attorney, you should talk to your attorney about the law and your case and not rely on information found on these pages, but your attorney may be interested in information found on these pages and should be interested in books listed on these pages. We do our best to provide useful and accurate information about the law; however, please remember that laws change. We do not have the resources to make changes to these pages every time the law changes, nor can we afford to contact defendants or respond to questions. If you use these pages, you should make sure that the law has not changed since the pages were created. In addition, different people can have differing opinions as to the meaning of a law. If you have questions about the law and how laws may affect your case, ask an attorney who has expertise in the law. If you want legal advice about your case, hire a lawyer to address your specific legal issues. Don’t ask us. If you use these pages for any purpose, it is your responsibility to make sure that the law applies to your situation.


The total qualifications, education, and experience claimed by the owner of this webpage in relation to the material herein are summarized in the following statement from the author: “I have watched My Cousin Vinny and Legally Blonde numerous times, but my primary legal knowledge comes from watching Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. I own and someday hope to read, half-a-dozen John Grisham books. I have been specially summoned to court and, immediately upon arrival, awarded a Juror Badge.”

What personal data do we collect, and why do we collect it?

We don’t collect anything, but you can give us your name and e-mail address if you like.  We don’t want to get into your personal business – it’s your business. However, if you ask us to help you complete legal forms, we will ask for your information to complete the forms, but we don’t save the information. Conversely, law enforcement is always collecting information, so remember – you have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you, but not by us, and that attorney may be good or great (like most Kern County Public Defenders) or may be pathetic and incompetent.  Be wary of substitutes and imposters, such as those going by names like Marc, Gary, or Edgar.  Personal data includes, but is not limited to, social security number, pokemon trainer level, weight, shoe size, and complete audio recording of everything said or done in your home as recorded by home automation devices, such as Alexa, Google Home, and other such systems.  No allegation or implication is made that such devices actually record or monitor any conversations or personal activities taking place in the privacy of your own home.  These devices probably do not spy on you, and Mark Zuckerberg is probably not a robot or lizard overlord who knows everything about you.

Old Authority

The law constantly changes, so the legal authority on these pages may be out of date.  The author may also be out of date, out of touch, or out of sorts.  Watch out.

Don’t ask us for legal advice. Ask a real attorney, such as one of those at the free legal help seminars.

If you have a fictional case, consult with one of these fictional attorneys:

  • Saul Goodman
  • Vincent “Vinny” Gambini
  • Alan Shore
  • Perry Mason
  • Gomez Addams
  • Denny Crane
  • Atticus Finch
  • Ben Matlock
  • Lionel Hutz